Sometimes by being hard on ourselves, we avoid a more complex and less tolerable emotion, like sadness.

When a client is using more pornography than they’re comfortable with, it’s sometimes because of a high level of anxiety or some other uncomfortable internal experience, like depression or numbness.

It’s a funny phrase, to ‘work on a relationship.’ The way that one works on a PhD dissertation, a jump shot, or a home improvement project. You tinker and fix; you address the problem areas.

“Psychotherapy has to do with two people playing together,” writes Winnicott.

I wonder if, the longer we’re in a relationship, the harder it is to appreciate and care for our partner’s vulnerabilities and the easier it is to forget how much their love for us makes our own frailties more tolerable.

Dr. Imber-Black used to say about marriage and family therapy, “One thing about this field, it’s never boring.” I found that notion inspiring, and I believe it to be true.

The homework I give that is most reliably effective, though, is to encourage couples to schedule a weekly walk of 30-45 minutes during which they talk about their relationship.

Kafka found humor and pathos in the deepest pains of being alive.

Communicating our turn-ons to a partner or partners is one wonderful form of intimacy. If you can turn to your partner to explore and satisfy your deepest sexual desires, you will feel closer to them.

For many of us, it takes time to open up about what really turns us on. Many of us keep our true desires hidden, even from ourselves.

Expectant or hopeful couples sometime come to see me to work on some aspect of their relationship that they find troubling before the baby arrives.

When clients are interested, I like to spend the first 5 or 10 minutes of the session meditating. Then we can talk about what came up while we were sitting.

So much of my work is about being present with people as they explore, discuss, and consider who they are sexually.

I once read that one reason people get married is to have someone else witness their life.

There’s a Yiddish proverb I like that goes: “Sleep faster! We need your pillows.”

Cases in which couples are trying to improve their sex lives are some of my favorites to treat.